Singapore my 2nd home

finally...i'm going to singapore for a holiday...
its only singapore...its not supposed to be a big deal...
but i miss the place...
i miss being able to just be by myself and walk around aimlessly...
sit on the bus and just go round the island...
read a book or do crossword puzzles at a cafe...
sounds kinda loner-ish but sometimes we all need some alone time...

gonna be there for the jacques loussier concert...
at the same time i wanna squeeze in a bit of shopping since it is afterall the christmas sale...

on a different note...
the european union film festival is on this month...
the movies they have lined up are pretty interesting...
can't wait to watch them next week...
i've already seen "Elina"...a swedish family drama...
and it was surprisingly pleasant...
i actually loved it...
there's another string of press screenings next week that i have to attend...
looking forward to it...
i'm a foreign film junkie...
but until then...its back to work...

god save steve mclaren

it was a tragic ending at wembley stadium a few minutes ago...
i would like to say that the english tried very hard but they were pathetic in the first half...
they looked like they were a better team during the second half but gosh darn it...too late....
and what's with the croatians?
do they hate the english that much?
give chance lah....
did russia pay them off?
i'm sure there's some money exchanging hands as we speak...
whether its from russia to andorra...
russia to croatia...
england to andorra...although that didn't work...

oh well...steve mclaren is gonna kena spanking...
guess that will probably be his last game as england's national coach...
if it isn't...god save england... :P

on a brighter note...i'm gonna go watch federer play sampras tomorrow...
it's probably gonna be a sure win for federer...
and exhibition matches aren't really very competitive anyway...
but ooh...federer is hot in a joaquin pheonix kinda way... :)

'tis the season

it feels like only yesterday that i bought my tickets to the match of the century...
federer vs sampras in shah alam...
the match is next week and i'm pretty excited...

but before that...there's beowulf...
one of my highly anticipated movies of the year...
watching it on thursday with my fellow movie buds...

then there's harith iskandar and jit murad doing stand up at actors studio at the end of the month...
i've seen harith...i've seen jit...but i've never seen them perform together...
this should be interesting to watch...

and finally...there's jacques loussier in singapore in december...
since i missed his performance last year i figured i should go this year...

i'm still considering going for the acoustic instalment of Live & Loud...
then again...i only want to see james morrison...
not sure whether it'll be worth it...

the timing is perfect too...
i'll be in singapore just when the christmas sale starts...
i haven't been back to singapore in almost a year...
looking forward to going back for awhile....
i miss it :)

are we the smart ones?

someone mentioned today that "we are the smart ones"....
we acknowledge the fact that this is the time of our lives when things are transient...
we are constantly evolving...constantly learning...constantly growing...
starting from the age of 21...we are thrown into the jaws of life and left to fend for ourselves...
we learn how to be independent...we learn to survive...we learn to make do...we learn to co-exist...etc...
we transition from college life to working life...and for some married life...
careers come and go...relationships come and go...
nothing is absolute...nothing is set in stone...at least not yet...
we choose to explore...we choose to break free...we choose to risk it...
why? simply because we are young and this is the best time to explore...

i realize that who i was 10 years ago is different from who i am now...
who i was 5 years ago is different from who i was 10 years ago...
i'm constantly evolving...trying new characters...seeing which one fits...
and its similar with relationships...
we try on men like they're shoes...if they fit then its all good...
if they don't...then its on to the next one...
but u see...things can change too...
i might need something for warmer weather...
i might wear out my old shoe...
then its time to move on to something else...
might not necessarily be something better...but it will be something that fits...
the process just continues...
i jump from one career to another...one man to another...one country to another...
all in search of the one that fits...
i'm not going to commit to one particular thing and revolve around it because life takes us in all sorts of directions...
and now is the best time to do it...

but the question is...are we the smarter ones?
are we getting more out of life than others...or are we just wasting our time?
is it better to commit to one thing and concentrate on it?
cause if it is....i'm screwed :P

facebookmania

this whole facebook thing has gotten way out of hand...
what's the appeal?
is it fun to cyber poke, pinch, prod, smack, punch and throw food at people?
granted...i think its a good way of keeping in touch with friends...
or getting back in touch with long lost friends...
but leaving dinner before the bill comes because you have to go home and feed your facebook pet????
melampau....

our lives are so cyber nowadays that we're losing the personal touch...
we email and instant message instead of call...
we read news online instead of buying a newspaper...
we buy movie tickets online...concert tickets online....etc...
we shop online...
i wonder what's next :P

highs and lows

just like the weather...our waking life has highs and lows...

low of the day: finding out that someone finished my tub of vanilla ice cream...

high of the day: on the couch with a bucket of KFC and the tv showing Man united vs Wigan...

i want it

why is it that sometimes we choose to ignore what's standing right in front of us?
we choose to focus on the ones standing in the background....
the ones that are far away...unreachable...unattainable....
u say something and it just fades into space...
u make a small gesture and its too tiny to notice...
a big gesture will only attract attention and we don't like attention...
at least not from the people that surrounds us...
not from the people who block the view of this shadow lurking in the background...
the way they move...so stealth-like...as if they're just gliding...
is it the mystery of it all that excites us?
is it a strong desire or just a passing one?
why don't they come towards us?
why do they drift further and further away?
eventually they just become a fading memory...
inside we're screaming to be noticed but outside we put on this facade...
a nonchalant look...
maybe that's the problem...
instead of pretending not to notice maybe we're supposed to shout it out loud....
make it known...make it clear that we want that thing in the background...
cause in the end...isn't it better to at least try rather than to not have tried at all?
who knows...we could possibly end up being....happy :P

heart attack

weekends are always fun cause there's soccer...
its not like i'm a major fan of soccer...
i know the rules to the game...
i know the teams...
i know the key players...
ask me anything further than that and i'll just shrug...

but what makes the game more exciting is the stakes...
yes...i am a gambling woman...
so much so that i was watching the juventus game today...
90 minutes and i'm still down 200 bucks...
i stood up...walked to the kitchen and declared to my dad that i give up...
its not gonna happen...juventus is not going to score...
i'm halfway to the kitchen and the commentator got all excited...
i get excited...my dad gets excited...my brother who's locked up in his room upstairs runs downstairs and gets excited...
we all run to the front of the TV....
COME ON...SCORE DAMN IT!!!!!!
and its a GOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!
93rd minute...it was amazing...
almost died of a heart attack...so exciting...
funny how the entire 90 minutes was pretty much the same old thing...
22 men kicking a damn ball around a square box...
but the last 1 minute was priceless :)

you made my day :)

its a boring saturday morning...
nothing much is happening at work....
feefs and nottifish were on msn...talking about life...
then nottifish says he needs to photocopy some documents...
feefs requests that he photocopies his hand just for fun...
and voila...this is the result...
life can't get more fun and random than this...


and just when i thought things couldn't get any weirder...
nottifish draws me a swordfish stabbing a shark...

main susah nak dapat?

sometimes when we don't/can't get what we want...we'll want it even more...
and this is exactly why the "play hard to get theory" works...
but what are the rules to the game?
guys tell me that there is definitely an expiry date to the game...
granted...they're not going to be chasing something that can't be caught...
but ya know how attention spans differ from person to person....
so how do you know when is a good time to give up the game and give in?
we are apparently able to plot it out on a graph...
there's an upward rise in interest...
then it is followed by the thrill of the chase which is where it peaks...
but eventually the interest dies as time goes on...

some people say that there's a 3 time rule...
refuse 3 times..then give in...repeat process....
others say that its really subtle...
you can give in as many times as you want...but make sure you leave something to be desired...
its like dangling a carrot in front of a freaking mule...
some say its just a form of taking things slow...
its just that taking things slow has somehow been interpreted as "playing hard to get"...
such a complex game this is...

it has also been stated that guys don't play hard to get...
they are very focused...very straight forward and they go in for the kill immediately...
if they see something they like...they go for it...
they don't pretend and waste time...
oddly enough...i have met some guys who play the game too...
when that happens...its kinda like a stand still...
both people are waiting for something to happen...
but both aren't doing anything about it...

why do people play hard to get anyway?
is it a test?
what is being put to the test? sincerity? faithfulness? determination?
or is it merely a game?
something to keep people on their toes...
something to make things exciting...mysterious...somewhat thrilling...

i find that there's too many mind games being played nowadays...
get to the point...
things will move with more speed and accuracy if people are just honest...
say it as it is...
be yourself...
"i like you"..."you like me"...follow up with a 1 minute embrace...
problem solved :)

where have all the anvils gone?

this whole thing started when i asked "what happened to all the anvils?"...
i mentioned that i wanted one so i can use it to drop on people's heads...
but where do i get one?
its one of those things that were commonly used back in those days...or is it really?
its portrayed in cartoons and movies and comics...
but what happened to them?
were they all collected and melted down when they were no longer needed?
or were they all sent to an anvil museum deep in the country side of some relatively unknown scandanavian town....?
or did they never exist at all?

and what happened to curtsies?
women used to curtsy all the time...
we've seen in it movies like pride and prejudice...shakespeare in love...yada yada...
but its like once we passed the 20th century the practice of the curtsy just disappeared...
sooner or later...people aren't going to even know what it is...
its already a fading memory for our generation...
eventually...the future generation will not even know of its existence...
it'll be a word in the dictionary that is never used and never looked up...
so just for D's sake...i'm goin to spread the word....
bring back the curtsy!!!!

gossip

i've been the subject of many gossip sessions these days...
whether i'm involved in a scandal or whether i'm hiding something is being discussed...
am i in love with someone i'm not supposed to be in love with?
why do i seem to dislike certain people?
am i using him?
is she sleeping with him?
i'm used to being analyzed...
having my every move and my every word watched and dissected...

sometimes i wonder why people like to make up stories about others...
is it because life is boring and they need drama...?
is it because they truly believe in those stories...?
is it because they're insecure and having problems of their own that they need to divert the attention elsewhere...?
is it because they secretly envy me...?

i have to admit that i do participate in gossip sessions too...
listening intently as people tell stories about other people...
questioning the authenticity and the truth behind these stories...
and i'd like to believe that i have more common sense than that...
that i would be able to easily distinguish between what's true and what's absurd...
that i won't go around spreading ill rumors about someone or something...
and i hope that others would be able to do the same...

in the end...i don't really care about what people say about me...
its in our nature to dissect the negatives rather than focus on the positives...
no one's going to talk about how smart that person is...or how independent she is...or how creative he is...
its always about scandal...cat fights...bad blood...
and if that makes someone's life more fulfilling...
if it brings excitement into someone's mundane routine...so be it...

until then...

they got it soooo wrong...

You Should Play the Guitar

You're very independent - both in spirit and in the way you learn. You can teach yourself almost anything, even if it makes your fingers bleed. You're not really the type to sit patiently through a music lesson - or do things by the book. It's more your style to master the fundamentals and see where they take you. Highly creative and a bit eclectic, you need a wide range of music to play. You could emerge as a sensitive songwriter... or a manic rock star. Your dominant personality characteristic: being rebellious Your secondary personality characteristic: tenacity

What Musical Instrument Should You Play?

on the way back from the mamak...

was in ss2 earlier today and noticed this cybercafe...
their signboard was actually upside down...
is it a gimmick to make them more noticeable since there are so many competitors around?
or is it just bad planning?
then again...this particular cybercafe was closed...
i wonder why....

its back

the durian cake has made a comeback...
i'm hoping it'll last at least till mid october...
come on durians...GROW!!!!!

i lost my marbles

recently i feel lost...
like i have everything but i have nothing....
i'm happy but i'm unhappy...
its strange...
so i spent most of this week in hibernation mode...
reflecting...thinking...trying to pinpoint what the problem is...
and BAM...it hit me...
i need my alone time...
over the past few weeks i haven't had much time alone...
my dad is back from penang...
he's in the house all the time cramping my space...
i'm always out with friends or with my family or out for work...
there's always people around...
so yesterday i decided to do the solitary confinement thing...
and it was great...
went walking around aimlessly in a shopping mall...
had dinner by myself with my ipod turned on to some jazz music and a magazine to read...
came back and did a bourne marathon...with the family though...
but once it was over i managed to squeeze in another dvd...
had my junk food with me...donuts...doritos...coke...ice cream...
made like an upside down vegetable on the sofa...
and when i woke up today i felt completely refreshed...
all i needed was time alone to be myself...
and even though it was only for awhile...i feel brand new :)

happy birthday mindy...
i hope u made it count :)

bourne marathon

did a bourne marathon today...
after watching bourne identity and bourne supremacy again it really makes bourne ultimatum make sense...
the little things that they say...
the things that i've forgotten over the years...

i've watched so many movies over the past one week its giving me a headache...
one sentence movie reviews:

ratatouille - not funny
rogue assassin - mindless entertainment
bourne ultimatum - excellent craftsmanship with fast paced action and suspense
catch and release - typical chick flick
because i said so - another typical chick flick
fracture - so predictable

movies to watch:

grindhouse
knocked up
art school confidential
the science of sleep
the lives of others

so many movies...so little time...
its time to go into hibernation...
movie marathons for a week :)

i've been tagged

i've been tagged...

and instead of sending it to random people on my mailing list i'll just post it here...

THE THINK FAST SURVEY:Don’t think about an answer…just put down the first thing that pops into your head.

1. My ex is still: alive

2. I am listening to: Hans Zimmer Pirates of The Caribbean 3 OST

3. Maybe I should: work hard

4. I love: durian

5. I don’t understand: cantonese

6. I lost: money

7. People say: life goes on

8. The meaning of my screen name is: courtesy of my big brother

9. Love is: sublime

10. Somewhere, someone is: sleeping

11. I will always: tell the truth?

12. Forever seems: too soon

13. I never ever want to: say never

14. My cell phone is: pretty

15. When I wake up in the morning: i smile :)

16. I get annoyed when: people whine

17. Parties are: fun?

18. My pet(s) is(are): non existent

19. Kisses are the best when: they are unexpected

20. Today I: made someone smile

21. Tomorrow I: want to make someone smile

22. I really want: durian

23. I really want to ask: what took you so long?

iPod Touch

oh my oh my...
such beauty...
its time to get me one of these...
now if only i had the money....

shopping for food

i managed to finish tomorrow's work today...
i've got plans to stuff myself silly tomorrow...
durians..donuts...french fries..mashed potatoes..hot dogs..ice cream...
YUMMY!!!!

i'm just going to walk around...
or should i say drive around...
and eat..eat...shop...eat...shop...eat....

i am a klutz

kicking chairs and walking into gates should be the least of my concern...

last night someone decided to swing an iron grill door at me...
well...if i had excellent reflexes and killer balance i would've came out unscathed...
long story short...i've tripped over a bar and fell....

the result: twisted ankle...sore shoulder and a big bruise on my thigh....

oh well...i knew my streak of not getting into accidents would come to an end..
i'm usually a death trap for strange accidents...

i feel like a b****

i feel like a blimp...
i might not look like one but i definitely feel like one right now...

went to 1 utama with my bro and we decided to head to carl's jr for dinner...
on the way there i decided to buy dunkin donuts...
reached carl's jr and ordered my usual western bacon cheeseburger...
ALMOST finished it today...
i still have yet to finish a carl's jr burger all by myself...
after dinner we decided to walk around...
that wasn't a good idea cause i felt like a cow...
i just wanted to sit still and do absolutely nothing...
so we decided to cancel the walking around idea and headed back to the car...
not a good idea once again cause baskin robbins was screaming my name...
how can i resist ice cream?

maybe all this excess food is making me clumsy...
i kicked a stationary wooden chair that probably weighed a tonne...
i knocked into the carl's jr star which by the way was extremely painful cause it was made of solid metal and it was SHARP!!!!
i rammed my shoulder into my gate...
a klutz i am...

inspired

i feel inspired to liberate my cello and violin from the closet....
its been 4 years since i've touched either one of them...
its been a year since i've seriously played the piano...
its time to bring the music back...

on a different note...
day 3 and i've already failed...
what it is i was looking for has completely eluded me...
i've lost sight of what i was hoping to find in the first place...
how can i find something when i don't know what it is??

i think i lack the focus and the determination...
too content and comfortable with the way things are...
oh well...why change when there's nothing wrong?

while you were sleeping

while everyone was sleeping i managed to...

- do some work
- finish my durian cake
- play the piano
- finish a crossword puzzle
- drink a glass of coke

oh...and i answered 8 questions about animals and this is what i got...
all this from 8 questions about horses and snakes and lions...
wow...deep stuff...
not entirely accurate...i actually like sarcasm... :P

wanna know the real 'key' to my heart? its called durians....

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

day 1

you are who you pretend to be...so be careful who you pretend to be....

i realize that i personally take many things for granted...
i also take many things too seriously....
and i ignore the all warning signs when things get out of hand...

one minute i can be myself...
the next i can turn into someone completely different....
i can stay in character for as long as i want...
until my head tells me its time to switch....
i bounce from one character to another so easily its like second nature....
and in the midst of it all...i deceive people....
i smile at them...i laugh with them...i laugh at them...
i tease them...i hurt them...i console them...i confide in them....
but how much of it is really true?

so today is day 1...
the first day to what?
i don't really know....
i'm waiting to find out what's at the end of day 5....
hopefully i find myself somewhere...

addicted to....

finally managed to get my hands on bon bon's famous durian cake...
collected it yesterday and ever since then...i've ate 5 out of 12 slices...
one bite and all my troubles go away....
yummy!!!!!

myspacebarisoutoforder

itstimeforachange...

ihavebeendoingalotofreflectinglately...
lookingbackatthepersonthatiwas10yearsago...5yearsago...andnow....
theoneconstantthingisme...
everythingelseistransient...

10yearsagoiwasinapopularitycontest...
nowthatilookbackimusthavebeendeludedintothinkingthatitmattered...

5yearsagoiwasindenial....
iwasinaracetomakeeveryonehappy...
ileftforsingaporetorunawayfromthemadness...

andnow?
ithinkihavelostsightofwhoiam...

itistimetotakemylifeback...
ijusthopeitsnottoolatetosalvagethethingsthatihavescrewedup...

in memory of....

july is not a very good month for me...
it is one that represents loss...
its never easy to lose a loved one...
and it doesn't get easier even after years have gone by....

the memories keep playing themselves in my head...
the last conversation...the laughter...the comfort...and eventually the tears...
we had our moments...even though it wasn't for very long....
it seems as if they were just guest appearances in my life...
they came...they left...and now i'm here and they're not....

at least i have those memories....

i miss u guys....

bizarre love triangle

many people have been asking me what this bizarre love triangle is about....
let me just say that its the title to one of my favourite songs....
the frente version though...not the original new order version....
it doesn't apply to real life like so many people assumed it was....

so far i've got stories about S.T.D+M.D+J.B and everything else in between....
Sexually Transmitted Diseases with a Doctor of Medicine in Johor Bahru....
Managing Director with Short Term Disability named James Bond.....
Jack Bauer drinking Mountain Dew with Severe Tire Damage.....
Musical Director Jack Black Saves The Day

this isn't a triangle...this is more like heptagon....
its funny that 3 little words could spark so many questions....
i wish my life was as dramatic...then i'd have many stories to tell....
but until then....its just a song....

I do admit to myself

That if I hurt someone else

Then we would never see just what we're meant to be

Every time I see you falling

I get down on my knees and pray

I'm waiting for that final moment

You'll say the words that I can't say

yummy

Sooooo hot its painful....

so hot it hurts.....

shoes shoes shoes

feefs was bored today....
she came home from dinner and drinks at 2am....
wrote an article...did some copywriting work....replied some emails....
then she found herself thinking about her shoes....
so she decided to line all of them up...clean them and organize them....
yes....ALL OF THEM!!!!!

i don't know what came over me today....
just had the overwhelming urge to organize something....
i organized my wardrobe last week....
my bags are pretty well kept considering i only have 2 or 3 that i regularly use and the rest are just kept aside in a box....
so it was either my shoes or my desk....
i chose shoes over desk probably because there are more surprises when it comes to shoes....

and what are some of the interesting items that i found?

1. a pair of old nike presto's that i haven't worn in a long time
2. a pair of oakley shoes that i've never worn before
3. a pair of classic adidas sneakers that i loved when i was 16 (i shall wear them everyday now)
4. a pair of vans shoes that are 15 years old
5. a pair of "come fuck me" heels that i only wore once (it didn't work)
6. a pair of esprit baby doll shoes that i completely forgot i had (i love those shoes)
7. a pair of leather boots that my mom bought for me when i was 12 (amazingly i can still fit into them)

i should clean more often....
maybe i've got more clothes...shoes and bags lying around that i don't know about....

*note to self* stop shopping...running out of storage space

patriot act

the subject of privacy came up in a conversation i had the other day....
basically we were debating about the importance of privacy....
i personally value my privacy....and i really mean value...
i don't let anyone go through my bags....my wallet...my daily planner....my computer....my emails...my handphone....
someone said its probably because i'm single...
my question was "what does being single have to do with anything???"
it shouldn't make a difference whether i'm single...married...divorced...widowed...lesbian...gay... or anything else in between...
there are just certain things that should be kept private...
not because you have anything to hide.....
but because i believe that regardless of what your marital status is a person should still maintain a life of their own....
everyone needs their own personal space....no???

then the word "trust" came into play....ooh...big word....
by sharing everything with your other half....you are merely declaring that you have nothing to hide...
therefore...your girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband/mother/father will be able to trust you....
is it just me or does that sound absolutely ridiculous?
trust is not earned by letting other people read your sms's...your emails...your phone book...etc.
if that's the case then yes...i don't trust anyone...and no one should trust me either...

illegalben did mention that its probably because guys have a reputation of being sneaky and snakey.....
so in some ways i can say "you men brought it upon yourself"
but on the other hand...it doesn't justify a breach in privacy....

another handy tool is the friendfinder....
no explanations needed there....

it seems that privacy is now a privilege and not a given....
its like the patriot act has been enforced to all mankind....

"the act increased the ability of law enforcement agencies to search telephone and email communications and medical, financial, and other records"

are we looking for terrorists or cheating partners?

optimus prime

before the launch of transformers there was this really huge banner running across one of the sides of cineleisure saying that there will be a display of the largest classic model of optimus prime in the world....

my initial thoughts was "wow....i wanna see that" cause i am a transformers fan....

next thought was "where the hell are they going to put it?"

if it was the largest in the world its gotta be really huge....no?

i kinda forgot about the whole thing until today when i was at cineleisure having dinner with the girls....

if it was the largest in the world...i probably won't be able to miss it...

its going to be so huge that once i step foot into cineleisure i'd be able to see it immediately...

a giant hunk of plastic/metal/cardboard or whatever it is that they use to make it....

so here it is...the largest classic model of optimus prime in the world....

looks huge leh....

here it is with standing next to sandra...

not so large after all huh....kena con :P

i wonder if it tranforms?

*phews*

despite the sore hands...i ended up fidgeting with the damn thing anyway. and luckily for me...it was a good idea to do so. i finally finished the stupid thing. now i can rest in peace. hands are still sore and i suspect they will be for a couple of days but it was worth it. now i don't have to constantly think about what my next move should be. no more images in my head of rotating colours here and there.

after 72 hours...problem solved.

now i can sleep :)

my hands hurt :(

i have to stop this rubik's cube thing. i woke up and realized that my hands can't take it. it hurts. the cramps have turned into sores. its a sign that i need to stop...at least for a couple of days.

48 hours

this is where i'm at after 48 hours. i still don't know whether i'm doing it right. not sure whether i'm supposed to do it layer by layer. i've been working at this all day until my fingers are cramped. i think i have obsessive compulsive disorder.

someone please take the damn thing away from me. need to work.....

work in progress

so after 24 hours this is as far as i got. sui san...am i doing it right? for those of you who don't know who sui san aka. LOLA is...she's a genius. if i were ever in an amazing puzzle race....i'd wanna have her on my team. we're both so tiny so physical challenges might not be a good idea. she's got the brains...the looks...and the personality. lucky bitch.

rubik's for beginners

someone recently gave me a rubik's cube and its been driving me insane. i love crossword puzzles and sudoku. i love games with words and numbers and puzzles. what i don't like is game with colours. the rubik's cube is crazy. so i went online to find out more about the darn thing and i was led to a website called "rubik's for beginners". reading the damn thing requires a darn dictionary. they have codes for every colour an every face and every turn. the guide is not for the lay men.

but i'm drawn to it. even though it makes me wanna pull my hair out i find myself constantly picking it up. ugh...why can't i stop?

status: not even close to solving anything at the moment.

transformers

the 2 movies that i was anticipating this year were 300 and transformers. now that 300 is over and transformers is just days away, i feel like there's nothing else to look forward to.

anyway...michael bay better do it right. i hope he knows that it is imperative that he gets it right. if he doesn't...every 80's baby will be anti michael bay.

was out having drinks with my two favourite men today whom i've known for about 10 years now. we were talking about change and how we've evolved over the years. maybe its because we're more mature now and we're all busy making like ants but we still make time to see each other and talk nonsense. i wasn't a very good person in the past. i was judgemental (which i still am but now i keep it to myself)....i was bitchy and i was brutal. those who can take the brutality and the honesty have stayed on to become my close friends. then there's the rest who were driven away by me. and for what its worth (i know its probably too late now)....i'm sorry. in hindsight...it wasn't a very nice thing for me to do. i might have spoke without taking people's feelings into consideration....i might have avoided you if you had blonde hair and brown skin....i might have laughed at you if you didn't speak english....i might have had little respect for you...and for all that...i'm sorry :)

that was me a long time ago and although i'd like to say i've changed....people tell me i haven't. i'm still the same honest and straight forward person who gives you the brutal truth without sugar coating it. i still judge and i still have a low regard for certain individuals. but don't be intimidated by me. i am just one person.

its amazing that i still have friends :P

five point f*cking three

diabetes has been known as the silent killer. it runs in the family so there's always this fear that i'll get it someday. but i don't let the fear control me so i continue eating the foods that are yummy and i continue drinking the drinks that are sinfully sweet and i continue to eat sweets and chocolates because they make me happy. i do however have a do-it-yourself kit to check my glucose level. unfortunately i don't use it very often. but every once in awhile i find myself wondering whether there's been any change. have i done anything to trigger the deadly disease to plague my system? chances are i have but why is it everytime i take the test i'm still safe?

anyway...bottom line...i took the test today. i find myself holding my breath everytime the little machine is processing the results. there's a little hourglass that keeps rotating...which is quite irritating. thankfully its not some smiley face bouncing around cause that would really piss me off. so i prick myself with a needle and carefully transfer the blood onto this little stick that i insert into the handheld machine. then i wait...and luckily for me...its a 5.3.

would it be absolutely wrong for me to wonder why i'm not diabetic yet when i should be by now and not do anything about it? and would it be worse if i say i don't really care?

i love my grill

i haven't ate mcdonalds in the past week and a half which is quite an amazing achievement for me. it all started with the george foreman grill so instead of heading out to buy mcdonalds, i grill ramly burgers. if this continues i'll be one of those hermits who never go out. who needs to leave the house when i have the internet, my phone and my george foreman grill.

so my dad has been sick for about 2 weeks now. he hasn't been himself since he had 3 seizures in 2 hours. its been a difficult 2 weeks but i'm hoping he'll get better and return to his normal self. i miss my conversations with my dad.

Countdown: 8

everyone has been asking me...what's the countdown for? previously i had a countdown for soccer season but since its over why am i still counting down?

well...it might be a big shock to some but i am attempting to cut down on the nicotine....and hopefully quit smoking someday. in an effort to support my dads quest's to quit smoking i have taken on this challenge.

but why a countdown? well...i recently bought 2 cartons of dunhill reds and i'm not about to waste it. i have 8 packs left at this moment and after the 8 packs are gone i will begin the challenge.

why not just start now? well...i guess i could but i'm kinda preparing myself mentally. smokers will tell you that it's impossible....non-smokers will tell you its will power. i will say that it is a desire. if i desire to stop smoking...i probably will. right now...its not a desire which explains my lack of urgency in the matter. i just don't want to be smoking in front of a man who went cold turkey after smoking 60 sticks a day for the past 40 years.

fat reducing?

the lean mean fat reducing george foreman grilling machine. its god's gift to people who can't cook. little did i know...my mom has one. since then its been home made ramly burgers for supper. i don't exactly need the "fat-reducing" function but i'm not complaining. just slap the burgers onto the grill and close the lid. its awesome. time to run out and buy more burgers to cook.

how far can i go?

i realized that it doesn't take much to get away with anything these days. all it takes is a smile...a laugh...and a simple hello.

was at mcdonalds earlier and i ordered a breakfast set which costs about 10 bucks. so as i was waiting for the hash browns to cook i got into a conversation with the very nice young man behind the drive thru window. he asked me why i was up so late and a 5 minute conversation ensued. eventually...my hash browns were done and as i took out money to pay for my breakfast...he quickly said that it was on the house. on mcdonalds house that is. such power these people at mcdonalds have. they can give out free meals to whomever they please.

on a different occasion...i was passing through the damansara tol and i only had a 50 note on me. i drove up to the counter...smiled at the guy and apologized for my lack of small change. he looked at me...smiled and said that i could just go through.

sometimes i wonder whether women can really get away with murder. the batting of the eyelashes...the smirk...the power of the eyes. i'm no charlize theron (which in my opinion is the epitome of beauty) so i think its in the simple things. the smile...the warm greetings...the appreciation. not saying that we should always be warm and fuzzy but it does have its benefits. goes to show that you don't have to be a hot chick to jump over hoops. maybe i should dig a little deeper and see what else i can get away with.

here's the next 2 instalments to the Ling family.

this is Cornelia Ling. Once again...a rather off choice for a name. she's not a typical girly girl like her big sister. more of a tomboy but that's what you get growing up wih 3 brothers.

this big thing here is George Ling. he's 10 and already he's heavier than his big sister (which by the way is me). he's in training to be the best DONKEY player in town.

and just because he's so cute...here's another one of Troy drinking my pepsi twist.

W.S.O.D

its time for me to get a new phone. i keep getting the white screen of death...which is probably nokia's version of the blue screen of death.

the kids are in town for a couple of days. here's a pic of 2 of the younger ling's.

this little thing is better known as Troy Ling. my dad probably comes up with the funniest names. Troy? such a macho name for someone so erm....cute?

this one is known as Mark Ling. the fella lost a whole chunk of his teeth recently. so cute. and he's learning how to shuffle cards at the age of 7. training him to be a gambler like his sister :P

here are some other funny pictures just for the fun of it.

tagged?

for some strange reason i have been tagged...thus everyone in my address book has been tagged too. is there a ghost in my pc? i don't recall tagging anyone but i keep getting email messages saying that i have. anyway...bygones.

pirates 3 was one long movie. not a great movie but great soundtrack from hans zimmer. so typical of me to pay attention to the soundtrack and not the movie. finally got a copy of letters from iwo jima which i shall attempt to watch sometime soon. see what's the hype all about. shrek 3 is opening this week. not really stoked for it but i guess its one of those must see movies just because its shrek.

the magic has been slowing down. by magic i mean "magic the gathering". for those of you who don't know what it is...good for you. for those of you who do...call me if you wanna join me. we can tap our mana's and cast sengir's.

results

long story short...it was a really exciting 2 hours. in the end...its a split pot right down the middle. oh well...money that wasn't mine to begin with doesn't really qualify as a loss.

once again...magic the gathering for 7 hours. my dad seems so bored everytime we play magic. i think its time to alternate between mahjong and magic so he has something to do.

it was a fun weekend while it lasted. the anticipation of the final match of the EPL completely overshadowed everything else. now its over and i've gotta find something new to occupy my time. i also learnt that i can't sew.

Magic The Gathering

someone asked me today "what are you up to?" and the first thought that ran through my mind was "if you knew you'd laugh at me". am i so embarassed to be half geek half rebel? i guess the geek side of me is embarassed to be a rebel and the rebel side of me is embarassed to be a geek. am i confusing you? well...i'm confusing myself too.

anyway...so what was it i was doing? yes...i was playing magic cards. suffering a blast from the past my brothers decided to whip out the stacks of magic cards that lay untouched for almost 10 years. we've used it twice in 3 days. after 10 years of lying dormant these cards can really do things to a person. it makes you want to play...more...and more...and more. i'm not sure whether its the memory of the past or the inner child that makes me want to play. either way...it is fun.

that's the downside of growing up with 2 boys. no barbie dolls...no masak masak set. i thrived on transformers...spiders....star wars....star trek....RPG and magic cards. but as i grew up and went to high school...things changed. i unleashed the rebel in me. so i guess i can say that i have the best of both worlds and i should be proud of my inner geek. at least i had a geeky childhood...a rebellious adolescence....and a well rounded adult life :)

countdown: 3 days @ +3 points

i began the countdown at something like 30+ days. how time flies. the day of reckoning is just 3 days away...slightly more than 48 hours to go. if you guys actually bothered to count you'd know that the day of reckoning is 13 May. now what happens on 13 May that is so important. it is the end of the EPL season. most of you will be wondering why that's important to me since i don't even follow football. well...if all goes well i could potentially win FREE money. so i'm crossing my fingers and my toes.

supermarket sweep

So if you notice this post has all the characteristics of proper writing (i.e. punctuation, usage of upper and lower case, grammar) its because I’m using word to write today. For some reason its taking blogger.com ages to load so I figured I’ll kill time by writing here and pasting there.

Went to Tesco the other day with two of my favourite people. We played imaginary supermarket sweep and just so you know, go for the birds nest and the Brand’s essence of chicken if you’re ever in that situation. Turkeys and diapers are cheap stuff compared to birds nest.

So while we were waiting in line to pay up for our purchase, I casually mentioned that condoms would also be a good item to purchase on supermarket sweep just as fillers cause they’re always next to the counter and they come in small packages which makes them easy to grab. So you just throw a couple of boxes in to maximize on time and space. Sometimes I can take an imaginary game slightly too far and start thinking of strategies. So then begins a hilarious conversation.

Me: So which one do you use?
Guy: Durex lah! Do you need some?
Me: Which variety? If it’s the “close fit” then I don’t like.
Guy: The cheapest one lah!
Me: hahahahahahahahahaha…..CHEAPSKATE!

Is that what guys do? They scour the condom section in search of the cheapest condoms? Then again, who needs glow in the dark or strawberry flavoured condoms? Actually, who needs condoms anyway? Just strap on some of that clear wrap thingey that you use to cover food and you're good to go. Anyway, price aside at least he's wearing something which is more than I can say for some people i know.

Moving on, my mother stole my alcohol. When I noticed that 2 of my bottles were missing from the fridge, I immediately assumed that the culprits were my brothers. So when they came down I accused them of having NO MANNERS. They denied ever taking anything from my portion of the fridge. Then I started to wonder, if it wasn’t either of them it could only be one other person and that would be my MOTHER. So the next day I asked her whether she took my bottles and she said YES! That’s so out of character. Apparently she was bored at home so she just took 2 of my Bacardi bottles out of the fridge and drank it alone while watching OPRAH. Two days before that she scolded my brother for taking my VITAGEN without my permission. Now she takes my Bacardi without my permission. Its all very strange and somewhat comical.

how stoked are you for spidey 3?

i am pretty stoked. trying to keep my expectations on a down low. too many times have i been disappointed.

i've always believed in the power of music. it can influence the way you feel and sometimes even intensify those feelings. it has the power to make you get up and dance or sing even though you're tone deaf. i find that music is a big part of my life and that it can help influence my emotions. give it a try...you might be pleasantly surprised :)

*insert title here*

what do you do when you can't get what you want?

there's a fine line between needing and wanting. we always want a lot of things...whether we need it is a different story altogether. its a craving that needs to be satisfied...its a dress that needs to be bought...those divine pair of shoes that just doesn't come in your size...durians when they are out of season...ice cream in the middle of the night. such trivial things can make a person restless.

imagine when it comes to matters of the heart. when it involves a loved one its a restlessness that can be multiplied ten fold and then doubled once again. you are plagued with the memory at every waking moment. its a want that is so strong it overcomes you with grief and sadness. the pain of loss...the promise of hope...the relativity of time that seems to pass so slowly in times of grief...the uncertainty of the future...the questionable past...everything overwhelms you. the urge to pick up that phone...the desire to see them one more time...the desperation creeps in.

then there's the silent wanting. a want that is strong but unspoken. its something that you want that you've never had...something new...something unattainable even. a passion built from nothing that will remain as nothing. its the fear of rejection that holds you back...the fear of indifference...the fear of bearing everything and being left with nothing. so you sit across the table...silently admiring...desiring...wanting. not flinching when a joke is told...not blushing when a compliment is spoken. you are cool, calm and collected. nobody knows...nobody will ever know.

sometimes two people just don't see eye to eye. different needs...different wants...different dreams. there is no one to blame...no fingers to point. there is no meter to gauge fault or suffering. its all relative. you know the logic...you know the reason. you know what's right but you're wondering why it feels so wrong. its hard to take that step forward so take your time.

i cannot imagine how difficult it must be for some partly because i have neither the experience nor the strength for such things. with my limited insight i do know one thing...it is a hurt so bad that you feel numb with pain but it will get better. i will walk with you...wherever you want to go. i can guide you but you have to choose your own path. follow your head and it will heal you. follow your heart and it will break you. the decision is yours.

fairytales and cartoons

prolong exposure to fairytales and cartoons pollute the mind. it severely damages one's ability to think logically and rationally.

was talking to some friends today about the effects of watching cartoons and reading fairytales. it all seems like an innocent activity but if you dissect it and question it you will find that it does effect our thinking in one way or another.

take for example cats and dogs. in cartoons...we are always led to believe that dogs will chase cats and cats will chase rats. whether they decide to consume one another is a different story. in real life...it might not be so. i've seen dogs and cats being buddies and i see a lot of rats happily wondering the streets together with cats. these creatures can co-exist without wanting to bite each other's heads off. and the thing is...they seem to co-exist more often than not. so why do cartoons depict these animals (plus that one rodent) as being incapable of existing side by side?

similarly...cartoons also teach us that cats like to eat fish. basically that's all they eat in cartoons. so we grow up thinking cats only eat fish and drink milk. once again...soooo not true.

and how about those fairytales? princess gets left stranded in an empty tower with no way to escape. i'm still wondering how rapunzel actually got up there if there's no staircase. anyway...prince charming will come save her and they live happily ever after. do they really? nobody tells us what happens after marriage. princes and princesses don't really live happily ever after. look at King Henry VIII. he had 6 wives...and many mistresses. look at prince charles...he's a prince and look what happened to his face. they're not all pretty and handsome.

as we grow up we realize that its all one big joke. but unbeknownst to many...it does affect our lives. many grow up believing that there is a prince charming and that there is a happily ever after. we are programmed to believe so at the age of 5. we don't get cartoons or bedtime stories talking about real life. war...poverty...racism...disasters. so next time my little earth ling will be watching discovery channel...national geographic and animal planet.

mcd's...movies marathons and mood swings

had a strange dream last night. i dreamt that i was at mindy's place for chinese new year and her mom served MCDONALDS! i guess the only people that would find that amusing is mindy and myself...together with ben and probably sui san :) and the most hilarious part is that when we went upstairs...it morphed into andrew's balcony.

i feel like doing a horror movie marathon. anyone wanna join me? the messengers...the reaping and the number 23. the last one doesn't really fit into the horror genre but since its a thriller/mystery i figured it would have to suffice. 2 movies just doesn't feel like a marathon. all movies have had terrible reviews on more than one occasion but i'm in the mood for mindless. i'd do hannibal rising too but i've got the DVD and somehow i feel its going to be in pieces after the censorship board is done with it.

by the way...I LOVE YOU ILLEGAL/FALL OUT BEN!

on a different note...i've been feeling pretty annoyed at myself lately. can't pinpoint the reason behind it and i'm hoping its just a phase. need to get back to normal mode if i want to function properly.

i am not alone

it doesn't look like a good start to my little brother's schooling year. its his first year in primary school and already he's been bullied BY A GIRL who by the way managed to apprehend all 6 of his pencils...and now he's been abused by a teacher. apparently he was being mischevious and his teacher deemed it appropriate to throw a duster smack into his face. the end result...a black eye.

what teacher in the right mind would throw a duster at a child? no matter how much he was misbehaving it doesn't justify duster in eye. anyway...i know there's nothing i can do about it but i just feel so pissed off nowadays with all this teachers abusing kids...not only physically but mentally.

on a completely different note....someone asked me today if i ever get lonely. being single for 5 years definitely raises cause for alarm. friends are being all so helpful with attempting to hook me up and egg me on (yes you know who you are). so i guess its only logical for someone to ask me that question. the answer...i don't know really. maybe its because i attempt to fill every waking moment with something to do. occupy myself so there's no time to feel lonely. not that i'm using excuses to fill up my time...i actually do enjoy the company of my friends and family. i don't feel alone at all cause i know that they're always there for me. so am i lonely? i don't think so....or maybe i'm just in denial :P

FUYOH with LALA

in my personal opinion...i think the DIGI PREPAID FU-YOH! is a complete disaster. i mean they have a good package with lotsa perks and stuff but the name itself and the ad campaigns are just hilarious. FU-YOH isn't even a word...at least not in my english language dictionary. and what is it supposed to represent? am i supposed to look at the rates and immediately go "FUIYOH!!!! so low ah" which is generally the Malaysian type response. so maybe it is the smartest thing that DIGI has ever conjured up. their target market would be the people who actually utilize the term FU-YOH (i can't stop saying it already) which is probably 70% of the Malaysian population. the only people who won't get it are the expatriates...the tourists...and the people who grew up under a rock.

but wait...FU-YOHLICIOUS?????? ok...that's taking it a tad too far. now people would just think we're unoriginal. ripping off fergie...who in my opinion ripped off beyonce...who in my opinion ripped off the person who invented the word DELICIOUS...is not a good idea. not in any language.

this FU-YOHLICIOUS (there i go again) campaign is not helping us with the foreigners. FU-YOH isn't even a word...in any language. i actually made a search using the online KAMUS DEWAN and this is the response i get when i type in the word FU-YOH!

*Tiada Sebarang Keputusan Dapat Dicapai*

literally translated as "NOT A SINGLE ENTRY CAN BE FOUND" but loosely translated as "NO ENTRIES FOUND"

on a different note...i was listening to the radio this afternoon and FLY.FM was having this FU-YOH contest where callers would call in and attempt to say FUUUUU-YOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH in one long breath and the person who can do it the longest wins RM100 (FUIYOH....SO MUCH MONEY!!!!). anyway...this chick called in and her name was LALA.....enough said :P

KEJUTAN!

so almost a year has passed since my stint in Singapore. i miss it terribly. miss my 2 bedroom apartment...my mini TV and DVD player which was horribly abused...i miss my fridge which was only stocked with apples, ham, ice cream and coke...i miss my bed...i miss my bus rides to work...i miss my kids...i miss the music...i miss the independence...i miss a whole lot of things. but things back here are looking good. i've got a job...i've got my family...i've got my friends...and i guess that's enough to cover all those things that i miss in Singapore.

my brother's birthday is coming soon. last year we had a surprise birthday party for him and i posed a simple question....

WHAT IS SURPRISE IN BAHASA MELAYU???

til this day i don't really know. and i doubt KEJUTAN is the right word. although it was hilarious when my brother walked in the door a year ago and people were shouting KEJUTAN!!! instead of surprise. funny family and friends i have.

this year is his 30th birthday. hopefully we'll usher in his 30's with a BIG BANG!!

DO NOT ENTER THE YELLOW BOX

ok...so i hate people who insist on planting their cars in the yellow boxes. they just cultivate a bad habit...obstructing traffic flow. and people will think that its ok if other people are doing it...then it becomes a vicious cycle.

so today i was out with my family for dinner and on the way back...my idiot brother stuck himself in the yellow box. and this was not by accident. its not like traffic was moving really slow and he had no idea that he'd be stuck in the yellow box. traffic already stopped so the yellow box was in plain sight.

and we as such supportive family members....what do we do? WE DUCK and hide. we're so used to staring at people when they enter the yellow box...and i'm sure there are people who do the same. so of course shy lah....my brother the rebellious driver.

so my brother is sitting at the driver's seat...laughing away at us cause we're acting like idiots. my eldest brother and i are ducking down into that emergency position that cabin crews tell you to get into in case of emergency landing. all the while we're shouting HIDE HIDE HIDE HIDE. in hindsight...it was such an idiotic thing to do. but at that point in time....it was hilarious.

i love my brothers...they always make me laugh :)

so just so you guys know.

oh and i learnt something new at the quiz yesterday.

SMOKING WHILE DRIVING is ILLEGAL!

January 10th: Define Irony

at the quiz yesterday...we had a topic called 'favourite hobby' and it was about sex. so one of the questions asked us to state the penalty for having oral sex in singapore. prior to that i had no idea that having oral sex in singapore was illegal. so being the information whore i am...i googled it. under section 377 of the Singaporean Penal Code:

From legal precedent in both India and Singapore, "carnal intercourse against the order of nature" between individuals (of all sexes - the law being non-gender specific with its use of the word "whoever") has been interpreted to include anal sex and, often after much courtroom deliberation, oral sex as well; namely any form of sexual intercourse which does not have the potential for procreation.

However, recent Singaporean cases have established that heterosexual fellatio is exempted if indulged in as foreplay which eventually leads to coitus. The Singaporean margin note further explains that mere penetration of the penis into the anus or mouth even without orgasm would constitute the offence. The law applies regardless of the act being consensual between both parties and done in private.

so basically i can't have oral sex unless i'm planning to have babies? SERIOUSLY?

and the best part is....the maximum sentence on this is LIFE IN PRISON.

and just for your reading pleasure:

Prostitution is legal. Operating a brothel and soliciting in public are technically illegal, but officially tolerated in certain areas called designated red-light areas (DRAs). Working women have to carry a "yellow card" that proves that they are registered and have recently undergone their bi-weekly health check. Working conditions in the brothels are good: some even provide voluntary benefits to keep the prostitutes working there. Prostitutes don't work out of economic necessity (except the foreigners) since there's no poverty and nearly full employment in Singapore. Singapore's Court of Appeal ruled in 2/97 that consensual oral sex is a criminal offense unless it is part of foreplay leading to proper intercourse.

The age of consent: 16.

Finding prostitutes: There are 6 red-light districts with a total of about 400 brothels, each employing 10-20 registered prostitutes. I list the names with their price ranges: Geylang (S$50-S$120), Flanders Square (S$30), Keong Siak Street (S$15-S$30), Desker Road (S$10-S$12), Tanjong Pagar area (S$10-S$12). In addition, there are brothels outside of the DRAs (illegal), massage parlors offering full service (illegal), escort services (legal) and private call girls (legal).

October 31st: What Nationality Are You?

so following the Trinidad & Tobago problem...i made a list of countries that have iffy nationalities. here goes...

Burkina Faso - Burkinabe (singular and plural)

Lesotho - Mosotho (singular), Basotho (plural)

Luxembourg - Luxembourger(s)

Mali - Malian(s)

Montenegro - Montenegrin(s)

Monaco - Monegasque(s) or Monacan(s)

Qatar - Qatari(s)

San Marino - Sammarinese (singular and plural)

Seychelles - Seychellois (singular and plural)

i'm sure there are many more african countries that i don't know about...not to mention all those little islands like the guinea's and all.but hey...imagine this...

me: hi...my name is feefs and i'm from malaysia. that makes me a malaysian.

random guy: hi...my name is silver lightning and i'm from burkina faso. that makes me a burkinabe.

just sounds wrong...sort of like a cuss word in hokkien no?

confessions of an unattached compulsive gambler

once again i get a call from a friend from the states asking me "eh...why lah until now no boyfriend?". is this going to be a trend? patience people. u guys seem more worried about me than i do about myself.

anyway...its been a string of gambling nights for me. it is sooooo not healthy. i have been making a bit of money though. poker...chor tai ti...soccer. anyway...its soccer that i'm anticipating the most. 5 to 6 more matches before the end of the season. which means 33 days before i find out whether i win the big pot of moolahs. it was looking good for awhile...that was until yesterday where i lost my 6 point lead and went down to a 2 point lead. still in the lead but it doesn't look like i'll be there for long. ugh...the suspense is killing me.....

TMNT

went to watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles a couple of nights ago. it was an impromptu outing with andrew ben and david. so with no tickets in hand and only 20 minutes till showtime on opening night...we figured we're not that lucky. turns out we were lucky after all...so the day was looking good.

that was until the words....

Penyu Mutasi Ninja Remaja

showed up on screen. another smack forehead scene.

boleh cakap melayu?

i was looking for someone to frame a poster for me and i needed it fast. word on the street is that someone at pudu is able to do it at a reasonable price and within a day. so naturally...i called them.

me: hello...is this *bleep out name of establishment*

stranger: ah ya!

me: i'd like to enquire about your aluminium frames and clear glass windows

stranger: err.....*long pause*....you boleh cakap melayu ke?

me: ok. boleh saya cakap dengan seorang yang boleh cakap bahasa inggeris?

stranger: tunggu ya.....

*people whispering amidst the sounds of shuffling items*

lady: hello?

me: yes. i'd like to get more information about your frames.

lady: errrr.....awak boleh cakap melayu tak?

*ME SMACKS FOREHEAD*

its probably my fault anyway for not being able to speak the language. but if you're planning to run a business....please lah have someone that can speak english.

and since we're on the topic of english....let's bring back some classic pictures.

tabula rasa

i've always believed that human beings are born with a clean slate....or tabula rasa as some would call it. so basically, who we are is the product of:

1. the experiences that we have gone through
2. the lessons that were instilled in us
3. the knowledge we gain
4. the perceptions/beliefs that we derive from all of the above.

many would argue that our fate has been pre-determined at birth based on geneology...astrology...and whatever else in between. granted...there are certain genes that we cannot run from. i can't roll my tongue...i have brown eyes...i have black hair...i am short...and i only have my parents/ancestors to thank for that. but why don't i speak chinese or eat vegetables? i'd say its because i was never brought up to.

i believe that Freud said it best when he came up with the theory that one's personality is largely determined by their upbringing. if i was trained to be submissive and obedient since young and that i should never talk to strangers...i would probably grow up being exactly just that...someone who is shy and reserved. if i was born into a muslim family then i would generally grow up as a muslim and adhere to its faith. if i was born into an english speaking family...i would naturally be fluent in english.

as children, we absorb more information than we do as adults. we unknowingly absorb and process values without questioning and as we grow up, we are generally supposed to sift through it and discard those that we feel is wrong. so then comes the ethics. the ability to separate what is right and what is wrong, what is good and what is bad. based on new experiences and new knowledge we should be able to make calculated and informed decisions. we should also be able to fully accept the consequences of our actions.

in the end...the swing of the pendulum is determined by the individual. do we want to be the person that we were brought up to be or do we want to change? do i want to eat vegetables and speak cantonese? do i want to be a christian? do i want to be the musician my mother always wanted me to be? i know the pros and cons...i know the consequences of my actions...i make my own decisions. the first 13 years of my life were governed by my parents and they were basically my guide book. now that i'm old enough to think for myself and independent enough to support myself...the rest of my life is governed by no one else but me.

....and that's just my two cents

i was hijacked

today was a pretty eventful day. spent the afternoon with the girls and spent the night with ben. he shall now be known as ILLEGAL BEN. his super power is the ability to make the most illegal parkings. he is also known as FALL OUT BEN because he has the tendency to fall out of friendships and grow distant. anyway...due to certain circumstances that were beyond my control....a visit to mcdonalds turned into a road trip to klang. and for what? for ben to show me the sights...the sounds...and the smells of klang. since i didn't drive...i had no choice.

so driving around in klang was educational. not like i haven't been there before...i just haven't been there with BEN before. ooh...it is a must try experience.

me: Oooh....Plantation! looks like we're not in kansas anymore toto.
ben: let me show you a secret u turn
me: looks like the red car in front also knows about the secret u turn
ben: its not a secret to klang people...its only secret to pj people.
me: wow...this is quite secret.
ben: eh...now i can show you where the klang pasar malam is
me: huh?
ben: oh...i can show you my panel clinic too
*ME SMACKS FOREHEAD*

anyway...thanks ben for the very educational road trip. i had a blast. and yes...i was paying attention. if u were to have left me at that petrol station...with a car i might add...i would be able to find my way home. and no...i'm not coming to visit you for lunch now that i know where you work.

happy birthday to you..happy birthday to you...happy birthday to sui san...happy birthday to you. *sing in the tune of the happy birthday song*

mindy...congrats on your graduation. all i have to say is...welcome to the working world. its a bitch isn't it.

tic tic tac tac toe toe

random thought....

is the name tic tac derived from the game tic-tac-toe? or is the name tic-tac-toe derived from tic tacs? or are they completely unrelated?

wikipedia doesn't have the answer...who does?

music is my life

i haven't touched the piano in ages. why?

- i don't teach anymore
- my fingernails are too long
- nothing interesting to play

its been a year since i've attempted to play anything properly. and i've pretty much lost it. i find that i'm struggling with the flow of things. my hands are stiff...my fingers are not as quick as they used to be...and i'm just missing my aim on my notes. my touch is completely off so everything sounds horrendous. so today...i have decided to cut my nails...really short. i'm going to start practicing since i managed to find myself a copy of the Pride and Prejudice score. and i'm going to get back on track. can't let it go to waste. ugh...can't imagine myself practicing my scales and arpeggios...but i am determined. there's no excuse.

someone once said that you won't know that you love someone until you lose them. well...i guess it applies to many things. never realized how important it was for me to play the piano until now...when i'm on the verge of losing it. i feel sooooo guilty now.

this is my country

stumbled upon a list of banned movies in malaysia while i was at imdb.com. came across some that really made me wonder.

for example...roberto benigni's PINNOCHIO? we read the book...we all know what pinnochio is about...its a children's story...and they banned the movie?

then there's RENT. a tony award winning musical about a bunch of bohemians struggling with life...love and AIDS. what's so bad about that? would we somehow be inspired to get AIDS and run around like hippees?

SAVING PRIVATE RYAN is also on the list. granted...they sometimes ban movies that depict war but if you're going to show pearl harbour and black hawk down and behind enemy lines and etc....why not show saving private ryan? a movie that doesn't actually concentrate on killing and war but more of saving a fellow officer from behind enemy lines.

and there's always BABE...both the first one and the second one. so we're not supposed to look at pigs? or is it just talking pigs that are offensive?

then we have movies like PRINCE OF EGYPT and PASSION OF THE CHRIST that are reserved for non-muslim viewers only. and how apt for DA VINCI CODE to be open to all audiences.

sometimes i wonder what they are trying to prove. do they think that we are so stupid to take things literally? ok...granted...some adults still believe the WWE is real but i'm pretty sure most rational adults will be able to distinguish between right and wrong...real and fake. i guess they don't have faith in their people. that's malaysia....

head start

ok...so as most of you know...cleo holds its "most eligible bachelor" (kononnya) contest every year. what's the definition of bachelor anyway? unattached? unmarried? or completely single? anyway...highly likely that most of the 50 guys are not eligible after all...whether they are bachelors is open to intepretation. anyway...i don't know who the 50 guys are...i rarely ever know any of them anyway. just goes to show my limited network of friends. but this year...rumour has it that someone i know (whooppeeee) is in the top 50. so heads up everyone...vote for JUSTIN CHAN HOONG FAI!!

on a different note...my desk is a mess. can't find anything except a stapler. i wonder why the stapler is so prominently featured on my desk...hrm. anyway...the one thing i hate is having cds and dvds scattered all over the place....WITHOUT COVERS! ok..whose fault is that? its mine so i accept the fact that i have to clean up my own mess. urgh...if only i had the impulse to CLEAN.....

seriously?

a conversation with my brothers goes something like this:

Scene: TGIF @ The Curve after having a new york strip steak all by myself.

me: hey guys...take a look at this (showing them my massive tummy through my top)
brother no.1: hey...i have one too. Look!
brother no.2: ha ha ha...i don't believe its real.

SERIOUSLY?

then the conversation strayed to one of those strange fictional characters of some movie that i can't remember that is completely stick thin except for a bulging tummy. so thanks guys for that very graphic picture of what i could possibly look like.

thanks mindy and sui san

in an attempt to satisfy an impulse to perm my hair...i actually went to the hairdresser to get it done. usually...it's just a thought. something that i wake up thinking about...then i process the thought...contemplating whether i should or not...what are the costs...what are the benefits... whether i'll have the time to even take care of it...yada yada. so today...i woke up and had this urge to perm my hair. i immediately went to my laptop to figure out who i should ask...desperately looking for someone to tell me NOT TO DO IT. i found my 3 best friends (i have many more) online. so i messaged all 3 simultaneously and anxiously waited for a reply. thanks for the pep talk ben but mindy and sui san over ruled you. 2 against 1. so yes...the girls said GO DO IT. its something different....its a change. all logical and rational reasons. ben's response....perm hair sucks! not much of a reason but it was duly noted.

anyway...arrived at the hairdresser all gung ho and ready to get something done. total cost...RM300. which was fine since it cost me about RM400 the last time. so i was checking to see how much money i had and BINGO...i only had RM190. not enough...no UOB bank around. in my head i was thinking "PHEWS...what a life saver. never thought i'd be this happy to NOT have money in my wallet". clever hairdresser came up with a BRILLIANT idea. why not i get a hair cut first to prepare for the perm tomorrow. that way...i won't waste time. I WAS THERE...enquiring... prepared...can't turn back now. so i agreed...thinking that i could just settle for a haircut and not return the next day.

MANA AKU TAHU.....they thinned my hair so thin that its practically non existent anymore. now its a disastrous "V" shape that i extremely depise. i hate "V" shape hair cuts. anyway...maybe its their ploy to get me to go back tomorrow. "let's give her a horrible hair cut to make sure she has to come back tomorrow for the perm". oh well...i might as well get it permed now...and heck...if i don't like it i'll CHOP IT ALL OFF!

now how many of you secretly wishes that it will be another disaster tomorrow so that i will have to CHOP IT ALL OFF? i bet you that some of you are wishing me ill-luck...just so u can see me in short hair. u guys are nasty.....and once again...thanks mindy...thanks sui san. ben...i wished i had listened to you :P

*note* before and after pictures to come later

if love was enough....

sometimes i wonder what society has turned into today. in one of my dads attempt to joke about my singlehood...he mentioned that he is considering putting me through d'arrange marriage. my grandparents were subjected to an arranged marriage. they got married at the age of 16. there's a picture of my grandparents a few months after they got married and they were the same height at that time. they weren't the same height years later. my grandfather was sent off to marry before he reached adolescence. and that was probably the trend back then. but for the record...my grandparents grew to love each other.

nowadays...we have it good. we get to choose who we want to be with or whether we want to be with anyone at all. we set our standards and reach for it. i know i do. relationships become an option...not an ultimatum. we go in and out of relationships searching for that one person that we want to spend the rest of our lives with. just like in all those fairy tales where the prince and the servant girl lives happily ever after. disillusioned by the stories we desperately search for our prince (or servant girl). sometimes...we grow to love a person...other times...we grow otherwise.

love becomes a fixation. something that we obssess over...and desperately try to find. but what is it? who really knows? is it the promise of diamonds and gold? or is it the promise of happiness and joy? are the two the same? does one have to lead to the other? or is happiness enough?

so many questions. if we went back in time....what would our ancestors say? i think that they would tell us that all you need is love...trust...honesty...loyalty...and each other. we don't need a large wedding...flowers...diamonds...money...a mansion and all that jazz. and that's just my personal opinion.....

i've been converted

normally...i'd stand aside and mind my own business when my friends are shopping for cosmetics or beauty products. i'm not exactly the type of person who pays much attention to the condition of my skin. never cared about whether i have spots or scars. so when sandra asked me to try this product at body shop...i thought it was just like any other ordinary product...over priced and over rated with the promise of healthier and shinier skin. now i don't care what this product promises but i just had to have it. once you apply it your skin will feel velvety soft. it could create more spots for all i care. i'm just interested in its magical texture. ooh...and another plus point is that it smells like orange :) so go try it. it doesn't matter whether you need another moisturizer or whatever it is this thing does. it doesn't matter what promises it holds. who cares? if you're going to spend money on products that offer false promises...you might as well invest in one that feels and smells good.