*insert title here*

what do you do when you can't get what you want?

there's a fine line between needing and wanting. we always want a lot of things...whether we need it is a different story altogether. its a craving that needs to be satisfied...its a dress that needs to be bought...those divine pair of shoes that just doesn't come in your size...durians when they are out of season...ice cream in the middle of the night. such trivial things can make a person restless.

imagine when it comes to matters of the heart. when it involves a loved one its a restlessness that can be multiplied ten fold and then doubled once again. you are plagued with the memory at every waking moment. its a want that is so strong it overcomes you with grief and sadness. the pain of loss...the promise of hope...the relativity of time that seems to pass so slowly in times of grief...the uncertainty of the future...the questionable past...everything overwhelms you. the urge to pick up that phone...the desire to see them one more time...the desperation creeps in.

then there's the silent wanting. a want that is strong but unspoken. its something that you want that you've never had...something new...something unattainable even. a passion built from nothing that will remain as nothing. its the fear of rejection that holds you back...the fear of indifference...the fear of bearing everything and being left with nothing. so you sit across the table...silently admiring...desiring...wanting. not flinching when a joke is told...not blushing when a compliment is spoken. you are cool, calm and collected. nobody knows...nobody will ever know.

sometimes two people just don't see eye to eye. different needs...different wants...different dreams. there is no one to blame...no fingers to point. there is no meter to gauge fault or suffering. its all relative. you know the logic...you know the reason. you know what's right but you're wondering why it feels so wrong. its hard to take that step forward so take your time.

i cannot imagine how difficult it must be for some partly because i have neither the experience nor the strength for such things. with my limited insight i do know one thing...it is a hurt so bad that you feel numb with pain but it will get better. i will walk with you...wherever you want to go. i can guide you but you have to choose your own path. follow your head and it will heal you. follow your heart and it will break you. the decision is yours.