i've got a new toy :P

what's with the obssession over beauty?

over the past few days i've been reading articles and having conversations about beauty. i for one am not the kind of person who'd go out of my way to make sure i look good in public. i figured that if i was going to spend so much time and effort trying to look attractive i wouldn't be having any fun. there's a reason why i'm given what i have...and yes there might be certain things that i don't like about my physical appearance but i'm not going to hide it. the media has poisoned people into thinking that in order to be desired they have to look like charlize theron or nicole kidman. and some people actually buy it. everything is so concentrated on aesthetics that inner beauty is forgotten. nobody seems to care about intelligence and wit...compassion and love. when did people become so jaded?

on a brighter note...i've finally gotten a new computer. i say finally only because this is the first computer i've owned and bought on my own ever since my laptop was stolen a year and a half ago. i guess its about time since most of my work now involves microsoft office.

just for lola

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. feefs
2. eh
3. bitch

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. long black hair
2. dimples
3. legs

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. height
2. excess fat
3. stick-like arms

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. chinese
2. cina
3. banana

THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T STAND:
1. lies
2. vegetables
3. pretentious people

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. people who don't speak english
2. the world runs out of coca cola
3. mcd's going bankrupt

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SHOWS:
1. gilmore girls
2. CSI
3. whose line is it anyway?

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE JAPANESE ANIMES:
1. does not apply to me
2. none
3. all of the above

THREE OF YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONGS:
1. i can only choose 3?
2. ooh....erm....erm....
3. let me see.....i can't choose

THREE MOVIES YOU CAN WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN:
1. braveheart
2. usual suspects
3. emperors new groove

THREE MOVIES YOU WOULD LIKE TO WATCH:
1. transformers
2. casablanca
3. dreamship surprise: period one

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. coke
2. music
3. tv

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. esprit shorts
2. U2 top
3. swatch

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. sex
2. honesty
3. laughter

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE GENDER THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. intelligence
2. sense of humour
3. yes...good looks

THREE BAD HABITS:
1. smoking
2. unhealthy diet
3. shaking my legs

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. movies
2. music
3. mahjong

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. watch CSI
2. eat
3. buy a new phone

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING OR CURRENTLY PURSUING:
1. music
2. editorial
3. public relations

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. greece
2. egypt
3. bora bora islands

THREE KIDS' NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. sebastian
2. bartholemew
3. beatrice

oh wait...that i LIKE?

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. travel
2. write a novel
3. compose a nocturne

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL (or guy):
1. i wear skirts
2. i wear a bra
3. i wear panties

INITIALS OF THREE CRUSHES:
1. EH
2. EB
3. JRM

THREE REASONS WHY I DID THIS SURVEY:
1. because i love lola
2. because i don't wanna be the cause if she gets 174 years of bad luck
3. because she tagged me

clayzee monday

talk about 180 degree turn. just as i was bitching about feeling unproductive...BOOM...monday was a 16 hour work day. spent most of the day doing editorial work...4pm meeting with OCBC which lasted more than 2 hours. don't you just hate it when you're in a meeting and you're supposed to discuss a project with the client and then they start talking about their own personal stuff. did a multimedia powerpoint presentation for OCBC and while we were discussing the nitty gritty stuff they would suddenly just turn to each other and start talking about one of their colleagues or the cafeteria or something totally unrelated. come on...i don't have all day and if you expect me to complete the project within the next 16 hours i would need to go back and discuss the amendments with the designer and animator...no?

then i get my first taste of mad rush hour traffic after being in a traffic jam free country for 2 years. it was like a sea of ants that just couldn't move. people should just STOP BUYING CARS...better yet...they should just STOP SELLING CARS for about 10 years. this country desperately needs to improve its public transportation. but i do see one problem...the city is too big and if we take into account the commuters from Subang and PJ and Shah Alam and Kepong and blah blah...it would just be close to impossible. the government would have to

- restructure a lot of the roads...
- establish infrastructure...
- employ a huge amount of manpower to maintain the smooth flow...

amongst other things.....

so if you're wondering why singapore has more efficient and effective public transportation...its not because they're high tech...its because their country is so small and that makes it easier to control. if we were to have a full blown LRT system it would probably have 100 stops. but i do admit that singapore has a good handle on the amount of cars on the road...the restrictions on car owners in singapore does encourage its people to NOT buy cars and use alternative modes of transportation.

anyway...the day turned out to be a trying one but i shall prevail. i shall not sleep and i shall go for the press screening of Cars. bad idea. i felt myself nodding off a couple of times. not just because i was sleepy and FLEEEEZZZZINGGG....but also because it just wasn't funny. at least not to me. that's not all...i don't mind non-funny movies...but this one wasn't engaging either. but hey...i didn't really like the Incredibles either so maybe i'm not an expert.

bought X3 tickets for thursday night. finally...the trilogy comes to an end. i'm curious to see vinnie jones and kelsey grammer as mutant superheroes though. press screening for 16 blocks is on thursday morning so i guess its double movie day. brings back memories of movie marathons. worst combination i've ever done....Ali and Attack of The Clones. not because either of them were bad...but because both were 3 hour movies.

ooh...highlight of the week would be getting my new computer...and hopefully a new handphone too. need to pamper myself.

*disclaimer: cLayzee and fLeezing are mis-spelt on purpose*

*insert title here*

it feels weird to still be around and not have to go back to singapore. i kinda miss it now. i miss 24 hour mcd delivery...i miss carl's jr....i miss being able to watch all my favourite tv shows cause i have nothing better to do...i miss having my own space. nowadays i just sit around and do absolutely nothing. it's not like i really have a job and even when i do have to work its only for a few hours. sigh...how i hate unproductivity.

anyway...da vinci code was disappointing. i'm not going to try to dissect it. it's probably got mixed reviews...people who haven't read the book would enjoy it...people who've read the book would be disappointed. i fit into the latter. oh well...can't expect much. they always have to cut some pieces out and add some stuff for dramatic effect. i guess there's no real way they could've pulled it off without changing certain bits and pieces.

the new week is about to begin. things to look forward to:-

- preview of Cars and 16 Blocks
- X-Men III: The Last Stand
- Completing the editorial for the magazine (yay...finally!!!)
- hopefully a bit fat thank you dinner from the guys (you know who you are) for helping out

summer blockbusters

the time is near and i'm eagerly awaiting the release of this year's summer blockbusters. MI:3 has passed and although it wasn't a 'great' movie i have to say it was better than the previous two and it was entertaining. jonathan rhys meyers is hot...plus i just love his accent. plus i'm pretty sure all you guys went to check out maggie Q.

since i've acquired a sense of kiasu-ism from my 2 years in singapore...i made like a kiasu and went to GSC 1 Utama to buy tickets for thursday night. but woe is me...it was freaking sold out. god damn all you 'lagi kiasu than me' people. anyway...friday night is the night. i've read the book so i pretty much know what's going to happen but i'm curious to see how it's portrayed on the big screen.

movies to look forward to:

- X3: the last stand
- superman returns
- pirates of the carribean 2
- snakes on the plane
- cars

nowadays i haven't been watching many independent movies. i've become mainstream....oh the horror!!!!

4am curfew....9am bedtime

i jokingly told someone recently that i don't go home before 4am and true to form...i haven't been home before 4am this entire week. late night mahjong sessions and nights of dancing and drinking seems to follow me every night. the good thing about it is that i don't have to wake up early the next day. so even when i do get home at 4am i drag and drag and drag my bedtime till about 9am. i'd surf astro channels...read a bit...veg out in front of the tv and basically make like a sloth. that's the life....

uninterested and uninspired

i've been helping some friends out with their new business...a magazine of sorts. i'm the unofficial editorial exec. i say unofficial because i'm not getting paid...its just a favour. which is fine by me cause i get to watch movies and listen to music for free. it's got its advantages. but when it comes to writing about it i'm completely uninspired. i sit in front of the computer and my mind just shoots blanks. all i can come up with are sentences that just consists of technical information and details. i lost my sense of humour...my wit...my creativity...sarcasm...dry humour. but i still have to face the music and write. in the end...there is a deadline...there is a responsibility. i have to get it done regardless of how bland those write ups would be. i hope i get my groove back sometime soon. in the meantime...

we f***king won

the novelty of winning really dies down after the first time. i'm referring to pub quiz of course. tuesday night is the night all N.E.R.D.S unite at orange sri hartamas. this time around i felt more useful. contributed a little more than i normally do. but we didn't wanna win...nobody does. none of the teams enjoy setting questions. so the ideal outcome is to come in second and win the beer. but we can't shave off a few points...we have pride. so now we have to put in effort and time to set questions for the next quiz. "i am soooooo excited....ugh" :P

anyway...watching mission impossible 3 later today. i have a feeling it will involve a lot of hanging...running...exploding...maybe 1 or 2 high speed car chases. but just because its mission impossible i'll lower all expectations and just go in with an open mind. hopefully i'll be pleasantly surprised.

so i'm going back to singapore tomorrow for a day trip. need to finalize some things...settle some paperwork...hopefully squeeze in a bit of shopping while i'm there. its going to be a short trip...a hectic one...possibly a messy one cause i haven't mapped out my schedule properly. but oh well...i'll just wing it.

will start work on monday. i'm already tired of doing absolutely nothing. my ass is getting numb and i feel dust settling on my shoulders. will be helping my brother with some administrative work. probably go see some clients to get updates on project status. ooh...have a movie to review on monday too for my friends upcoming fashion magazine. hopefully poseidon will be a good movie to start to week with. mike vogel will provide the eye candy...that is if the camera captures his good side. but then again...he's kinda losing his charm.

journal: 1 September 2005 - Five Stages of Healing

it is said that there are five stages to the healing process. i'm not talking about a physical wound where you just slap on a plaster...wait for the wound to dry up and wait for the scab to fall off (or in some cases you just peel it off). if only emotional wounds were so simple.

anyway...the first stage is anger. the part where we feel that we've been mis-treated. that somehow...we've been wronged and not the other way around. it's unfair...it's rude...it's evil...it's just not right. all sorts of excuses are created to fill us up with anger. we hope that such anger is strong enough to generate hate. hopefully...hate would help us let go of the one who hurt us. then we simmer.....

eventually we go into denial. the part of the process where we create excuses to dig ourselves out of the shitty situation we are in. we find all sorts of ways to twist things around...so much so that we become confused...we become jaded. you tell yourself things that you believe would make you feel better losing sight of reality.

"nah...i'm not like that" "this can't be happening" "he never loved me...did he"
"he cheated on me but he still loves me" "i was all a lie"
"he scolds me because he cares....he hits me because he cares"
"its not my fault" "nah...we'll get back together"
"i'm fine!!!!" "it's normal!!!" "she'll come back to me"
"i can't live without her" "none of it was real" "maybe i never loved him"

then comes the bargaining. it's the point in time where you've had enough time to analyze the situation...dissect it and pick it apart till there's nothing left to pick at. you're not sure about what you want....you're not sure about what they want. things become so confusing that somehow you lose yourself in a mess of thoughts...options...emotions. you wonder what would have happened if you reacted differently...if you approached differently. you play different scenarios in your head...sometimes going through conversations that you had. you replay and rewind....replay and rewind....

when the anger...denial and bargaining stops....that's when you go into depression. you start to realize that maybe they aren't going to come back. loneliness creeps in...you start to face reality. you've been hurt...you've been broken. there's no two way about it. they either love you or they don't. they either come back or move on. face it...

and finally...acceptance. you face the music and dance. you take your time to mourn what's lost. it's the time where you can look at the person and not feel hate...jealousy...anger...betrayal...hope...sad. all you want is for them to be happy...even if that means its without you. you become selfless...and you let go.

that doesn't mean you don't love them. it means you love them enough to let go...to let them find happiness...even if it is at your expense. it's unfair to be selfish and cling on when one side is unhappy. so we have to find the inner strength to let go and to move on. the part of us that would do anything to make someone happy...even if it makes us sad. because eventually...we'll learn to be happy for them.

homecoming :P

so kellie pickler is finally out of the american idol. www.votefortheworst.com has nominated taylor hicks as their next worst pick.

was at 'prints' the other day and noticed a greeting card that read "Congratulation". isn't that just strange? i thought the word is usually used in the plural sense. i could be wrong...

so on my final day in singapore i managed to squeeze in some quality time at "carl's jr." where burgers are huge and french fries are tasty. but what would you expect with such ridiculous prices. a combo meal that includes a burger...fries and a drink costs about $10 to $12 singapore dollars. compared to the $5 to $7 meals at mcdonalds i guess carl's jr. has to justify its high prices with size. i didn't really do much during my last trip. didn't feel much either. i guess that just goes to show how much i enjoyed my stay there.

so i am back...semi jobless at the moment. spending my days making like a couch and watching dvd after dvd. this routine will probably last about a week before i get bored and tired of doing absolutely nothing with my life. if it lasts longer i'll gladly welcome the unproductivity.

the long weekend was great. spent friday and saturday preparing for my friends wedding. it was all good fun and the event turned out great. for those who want pictures...especially those in aussie...let me know and i'll see what i can do.

anyway...for those who haven't heard...i'm back for good.