disappointed with GOD

the one thing that i never questioned...or at least tried not to question is friendship. i have to say that i 'had' a lot of friends. we slowly drifted apart till there's a handfull left. not because we had disagreements or arguments of any kind. there were probably differences in interests and opinions. different priorities...different goals and dreams. some chose to set out to try and achieve those goals...leaving everything else behind. others choose to stay in exactly the same place that they were 5 years ago. some manage to find a pleasant balance in the midst of growing up...gaining independence...and achieving goals.

i'd like to believe that i've managed to find a balance. able to keep my friends and family close and at the same time explore all the opportunities that are in front of me. i've earned my independence...i've earned the respect i deserve (which by the way ain't much)...i've excelled in what i do...and i've managed to keep up with my family and friends. i've always tried my best to be available when someone is in need. i've always tried to keep up with them...to learn about what's going on in their lives.

i realized a long time ago that friendship isn't based on proximity or the hours that are put in. it's based on trust...honesty...care. it's a bond that doesn't need to be reinforced with time. it's knowing that no matter where or when...you are still in their thoughts. they accept you for who you are attached with all your faults and defects. you can be open and honest without fear of being rude or insensitive. you can be silent without being secretive...you can shed all without being intrusive.

then it hit me. although i still believe that a close friend should be 'all that'...i've realized that i had to make room for adjustments. i've came across enough people to know that my views differ from theirs. to be honest...my views only exist in utopia. not only my views on friendship...but my views on love...relationships...life...etc. as well. i realized that many people had conflicting opinions and ideas on things. they're entitled to their own opinions as are we. but that doesn't mean they're right. neither does it mean that i'm right. i have to be open minded...i have to be understanding...i have to be empathetic...i have to be flexible. the biggest lesson my father ever taught me was empathy. to see through the eyes of others before judging...before making decisions...before placing blame.

i understand that many people are going through tough times. i'd like to believe that i'll always be there for them even though there might be 3 other states spanning across 320km between us. i don't expect them to come to me for advice. i don't expect them to share their sorrows with me. i just hope that they can sort it out for themselves and persevere. and if they need help and encouragement along the way...i'm always here. just don't assume that you are alone and that nobody has gone through what you're going through. situations might be similar...but as i said...emotions are all relative. there's no way of measuring the depths of sadness and the intensity of pain.

but my personal belief...no matter how hard it is...how painful it is...or how futile it seems...there's always a way. might not be a cure...but there will be a way to soften things. just have to find it....