forgiveness

people do many idiotic things throughout the course of their lives...
i know i'm guilty of some of them...
unfortunately, we're programmed to be full of flaws...
what's important is that we learn from those mistakes...
we bounce back and persevere and hopefully come out stronger and wiser...

but there are just some things that cannot be forgiven..or forgotten...
not by others but by ourselves...
people in general are pretty forgiving...
as much as i'd like to believe i'm a forgiving person i think the hardest person to forgive is myself...

once in awhile...i end up stepping on my own toes...
i end up hurting myself...
and sometimes i think i do it on purpose...
its like some sort of self inflicted punishment for the wrongs that i've done in the past...
i keep replaying those mistakes over and over again...
in some ways i think i do it to remind myself that i'm only human...
in other ways...i think i do it to make sure that it doesn't just become a passing memory...

either way i don't think i'll ever forgive myself...
i've learned to live with it...
i've learned my lesson...
and i believe i came out of it stronger and wiser...
so i'll put it in on the shelf for now...
i might never forgive myself but i think its time to stop punishing myself for it...