happy?

someone recently asked me whether i'm happy. i stood still...thinking...reflecting...and at that moment all i could say was "I don't know". do i truly know the meaning of happiness in the first place?

so i'm sitting here reflecting. wondering whether i'm happy. content and happy are always a confusing pair. i am content...there's nothing i can complain about...not even lack of financial security. am i happy with my financial instability? of course not. but does that make me unhappy? i can't say it does. i'm content with my job...although i know i could do so much better. but am i happy with being lazy? of course not...i hate feeling unproductive. but does that make me unhappy? i can't say it does either. there's a lot of things that i'm not happy about but it doesn't make me unhappy. it doesn't take away my love of life and all its wonders.

so i don't know whether i'm happy or not. all i can say is that i'm enjoying myself. i'm glad with the way things are...i know they can be better if i put in a little more effort. but for now...it suffices and if it isn't sufficient...i only have myself to blame.