i'm a big fat failure

recently i've gone into reflection mode. i find myself falling into an abyss filled with thoughts. its starts at the surface and before i know it i'm digging deeper and deeper into things i thought were already forgotten. the past just doesn't want to stay there. i guess it's about time it starts to hit me smack in the face. i always knew that i couldn't run and hide from it. eventually it'll catch up with me and i still have to face it...i still have to deal with it.

if success is measured by ones achievements and whether their dreams and aspirations are fulfilled then i guess i'm a big fat failure. i didn't become an astronaut...i haven't travelled the world and i don't foresee myself doing so in the near future. i have no real direction in life...my career is not what i imagined even though i love what i do. the only direction in my life is where the wind blows. and that makes me happy. i do the things i want to do...i live the way i want to live. i treat everyday as a new adventure...an experience...a lesson. so if living my life on the edge makes me a failure then i guess i'm glad to be one. i wouldn't want to be someone who's fixated on the idea that success means money and that money buys happiness. i wouldn't want to be so focused on my future that i forget the present.

there's been a lot of talk about marriage...relationships....love...hurt....loss. i know my views aren't exactly normal. i've always tried to be neutral and objective...i've always tried to be rational. when people talk to me i try to keep an open mind and i try to be as honest as possible without being offensive. somewhere along the way i guess i have to be brutally honest and i've earned a reputation for being too straight forward. but i guess the one thing i've learned over the years is that i shouldn't use my ideals as a benchmark. i shouldn't use my standards and my experiences as an example. i shouldn't expect people to reach for the same things i reach for. i shouldn't put ideas into people's heads.

i guess what i'm trying to say is that people have to make their own choices...their own mistakes. i might not understand why it is they make those choices or hold strong to such beliefs but i have to accept them and not try to make them doubt. i always believed that people should be able to explain themselves. if they can't convince me then how did they convince themselves? but now i realize that instead of trying to convert them i should just let it be. they have to go through their lives according to their beliefs and if they make mistakes...it's going to be their own mistakes.

anyway...off the topic...i read in the papers today that some guy divorced his wife in her sleep by saying the word 'talaq' or something along that line 3 times. apparently it means divorce. it reminded me of the movie cold mountain where they say "i'll marry you i'll marry you i'll marry you". but that's out of a movie. this is real life!!! and get this....it's legal! the law actually recognizes it. this guy must have had no balls if he had to do it while she was sleeping. shouldn't there be a rule that the spouse has to be conscious? or better yet...what if he had a deaf spouse? would it be legal then?

1 liner movie reviews:

- v for vendetta - excellent
- inside man - engaging
- green street hooligans - entertaining
- the great raid - educational
- date movie - ..........